


sex on the court

by bulut



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, No Plot/Plotless, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulut/pseuds/bulut
Summary: Kageyama Tobio and Tsukishima Kei's relationship, through Karasuno VBC's eyes.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	sex on the court

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry this is so short and possibly terrible; i just needed write something. i still hope you'll find something in it to your liking...
> 
> thank you [kelidahauk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelidahauk) for making them flirt over a drink of sex in the woods in "[thirsty](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26909233)" and giving me the inspiration for this title! (i absolutely cannot stop thinking about it!!!!!) we really dedicated our lives to this pair of dumbasses and never even looked back.

First year high school students come up with the stupidest ideas they’ll definitely end up regretting ever thinking of later but this is not one of them.

“ _We_ are not the ones getting out of this embarrassed, you guys,” Yachi assures the other two eyeing her, expressions equally keen and wary. A perfect combination for any kind of mischief. “If anything, we’ll have material to laugh at for years.”

“I’m up for embarrassing Kageyama any time,” Hinata admits easily, “but Tsukishima is scary.”

“Don’t worry, I've got this,” Yamaguchi reassures him with a pat on the back. “If you hold Kageyama off for me.”

Hinata strikes out his hand to shake Yamaguchi’s. “Deal.”

Yachi is smug, having known from the beginning that they’d come around, camera ready in her hand. “We’re owning this!”

The third years have the wisdom of two years over the first years and are not easily swayed. Sugawara has to be employed as an accomplice—which he’s all too eager to be anyway.

“So,” he sidles up to Sawamura, who is world-weary on main but can’t really say no when it comes to Sugawara so it’s a win, “What do you think of our cute couple, the very tall ones who unfortunately don’t have as much in the intelligence department?” He extends a sideways fist he’s improvised as a microphone.

“That’s an insult to Tsukishima,” Sawamura deigns, head bending low over Sugawara’s hand to simulate talking into a microphone. It’s adorable.

“Intelligence is more than just booksmarts,” Sugawara objects. “Tsukishima definitely suffers in that department if he lets Kageyama rope him into playground fights so often.” He nods along his own words.

Azumane has astute insight he offers to support Sawamura. “They’re a new couple, they’re probably still working out the kinks.”

“Their tombstones will probably be dedicated to diss each other,” Sawamura says, vexed and disbelieving.

Hinata takes a critical hit by being the first one to laugh out loud.

The second years are a basket of Easter eggs.

In the short instance they manage to divert Nishinoya’s attention away from the ball in, Nishinoya declares, “They’re both tall, good-looking men and when they date, they cancel each other out. It means less competition in the field.”

Caressing Nishinoya’s hair, Tanaka cooes, “Not for you. You never played in the same league as them.”

In slow motion, Nishinoya shakes Tanaka’s hand off and tilts his head until his squinting eyes are in perfect position to laser Tanaka’s brains clean out of his ears. Endeavouring not to burst out laughing, Yachi and Yamaguchi retreat until they’re out of earshot. Hinata is already hiding behind Ennoshita.

Watching the fascinating scene unfold before him, Kinoshita whimpers, “I thought the same thing…”

Narita’s eagerness to reassure Kinoshita is anything but platonic. “Don’t worry. I think you actually do benefit from them dropping out of the competition.”

Yachi’s heart skips a beat at this scene as flashbacks from that one manga her friend lent her flood her mind, the really popular one she strictly borrowed from someone else and totally definitely certainly didn’t hunt down to the last bookstore that still had it in stock.

Kinoshita puts his head on Narita’s shoulder, and Yachi wants to simultaneously ascend to heaven as a squealing mess and start an earnest, ardent fundraiser for Kinoshita and Narita’s wedding expenses. There’s a moment of silent respect for Kinoshita’s woes, and then Ennoshita blurts, “Candid pictures of sweaty, panting, good-looking athletes who also happen to be in a relationship with each other sell a fortune on the black market.”

The entire gym stills. Third years look like they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Tanaka and Nishinoya have stopped mid-brawl, flabbergasted. Kageyama and Tsukishima are still absent, most likely engaged in a rage-makeout in the clubroom.

The only member unaffected, Ennoshita, enters the frame of Yachi’s camera, still holding Hinata’s hand to make him feel safe. “Are you filming? Will the couple in question see us in the flesh uttering these words? Because I would love to see those two burn with the desire to strangle me but have to grit their teeth and smile instead because I’m their senior.”

“I suddenly can’t survive if you ever let go of my hand, Ennoshita-senpai,” Hinata declares, stars in his eyes as he basks in the big dick energy emanating from Ennoshita. Ennoshita flashes a peace sign.

Yachi and Yamaguchi’s gazes meet over Hinata’s head for a fraction and from then on, they’re sworn allies to have each other’s backs from Ennoshita for the rest of their days.

The next day, Hinata has procured a projector from who knows where, now lying in ambush for Kageyama and Tsukishima to enter his vision so that he can sign Yachi to start the video.

Hinata and Yamaguchi get a lot of running practice done that day. Yachi develops abs from how hard she’s laughed. Kageyama and Tsukishima discover they can get along just fine when they join forces against an enemy besides each other.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
